 Each of our ego states may be either healthy and functioning well or may be functioning in a way that prevents us from being all we can be.There are four conditions our ego states may be in:
We want all our states to be normal functioning. This means the state is operating well both with our other ego states internally and is operating well externally with other people. The state is not causing us trouble. Most peolpe have a work state that is normal functioning. Ego state therapy is a process of helping state to become normal functioning.
A Vaded state is a state that has experienced a trauma or something negative and has not processed it. A vaded state is the tender spot in our psyche. If we are reactive, it is the vaded state that is coming out. A vaded state can cause us to react emotionally to a life situation in a way we don't want. Vaded states feel out of control when they are out, and they are the root to escape behaviors, such as addictive symptoms. Vaded states need to gain resolution so we no longer have a need escape from their negative feelings, and so they no longer give us a feeling of being out of control.
Retro states are states that originally learned a behavior that used to work for us, but does not work for us now. Reacting in an unwanted angry manner usually is the result of a Retro state coming out. This state may have learned in childhood that anger is a means of protection or a way to get what is wanted. These states need to learn to come out only when their behavior is appropriate, or to learn to alter their behavior to a degree that it becomes appropriate.
Conflicted states are states that feel at war with each other internally. They may hate each other (I hate myself when I am like that) or they may be in severe conflict over actions. One state may want to work and another may want to rest. These states need to learn the value of each other and to be able to communicate and compromise. It is appropriate for states to have different opinions to consider, for example, when buying a new car. One state may be aware of the budget and another state may be connected to fun and appreciation. It is not appropriate for the conflict between states to be a problem for the person so the person feels not a peace internally.
A 'Normal' ego state will not be vaded, retro, or conflicted. It is possible for other states to share a combination of conditions. For example Retro states are almost always also conflicted with other states who do not appreciate their actions. The person gets angry then feels bad about it later. Good Ego State Therapy can help states become Normal, freeing the person to have a higher level of inner peace.
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